Sunday, August 23, 2009

Friends Come and Go

In my case I have one friend who comes and goes and comes and goes and comes and goes. Well, the friend is gone again. Blogs about it too. She's a friend who I have had a lot of fun with at times. I even thought of her like a sister. I guess we fight like sisters too.

Now at one of the most difficult times in my life, she has decided that we are not friends again. Not sure what I did. It's okay. She has lots of good friends now and a wonderful social life. She's happy and in a good space - that's what is important. She's involved in a sport that I could never do. I don't have the endurance or the stamina - besides, my spine would probably fall out! Of course, smoking doesn't help, but that's the stress in my life at work. So, my former friend is in a better space without me. I guess the difficulties in my life are too much for some people. I never want to be a burden to anyone. I never want to cause someone else pain or hurt. Anger and resentment is a poison that slowly takes over every fiber of our being - it influences our thoughts and actions. I've been working hard at not letting these poisoned emotions into my life. Bitterness too, can make one ugly.

I guess what it all boils down to is that I must be a pretty pathetic person. I have an incurable cancer that will eventually rob me of my life. The stress of not knowing when and if the disease will strike full force is maddening. I've tried for many years to help my husband beat his drug addiction. It has finally come to the point where I had to leave him. Now I find myself living as a single parent raising my soon to be teenage son alone. My brother has been kind enough to take us in. Now I face possibly losing my house. The hardest part of leaving my husband was leaving behind my father-in-law. He's always called me "the glue that holds the family together". Unfortunately, I have had to put my son and my health ahead of everything else and at all cost. My counts have been rising faster than they ever have before. I'm concerned but not frightened. I still feel pretty good. Some days I'm very tired and need to take long naps. Something I've never done before. I'm happy and not living with as much stress. I have my new hobby of cycling, which is pretty amazing. A sport I can do!!! I'm athletically impaired, but cycling is something I can actually do!

So, yes, I'm pathetic. But ya know what? I'm happy and content. My son is happy and well-adjusted. Material things can come and go. Friends can come and go, but I'm satisfied with my life and the direction I'm now moving in. I'm blessed with the most incredible support and encouragement. When I put my head on my pillow, I can sleep peacefully.

I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future! It is only in Him I find true peace.

4 comments:

Celeste Maia said...

Well said, Karen! You are not pathetic one little bit, quite the contrary, you have shown that you are braver than most people.
Keep your head high and smile!

Unknown said...

Hey Kid: It's me, Trisha from CLLCFRIENDS. I think I know who you are referring to in this post. You are not pathetic, not at all. Being a single parent is not for the weak at heart or mind.

kcdaniels said...

Hey Trisha! Glad you came for a visit!

Michelle said...
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